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June 10, 2010

Let Me Entertain You With My First World Problems

I WANT MY FUCKING CLOSING DATE ALREADY.

This is like a giant, fucked up game of dominoes. Here are the people waiting to find out when we close:

1. The insurance company.
2. Our current landlords.
3. ME AND NEALE

If we close on June 30th, we need to hustle. We need to sign papers and move out THAT DAY. So if we don’t sign until 3pm, we will be moving well into the evening, and sweeping the apartment until midnight. Then crashing at the new place, sleeping in whatever room the mattress ends up in.

Moral of that story: even closing on June 28th would make us much happier people.

And right now, this is all waiting on our loan approval. I LOVE YOU, UNDERWRITERS! But I am the best borrower ever, in that I want to help you get your job done. You need my most recent bank statement, front and back, emailed to you? DONE. A copy of my grandmother’s original passport? YOU GOT IT. My first Cabbage Patch Kid’s birth certificate? IT’S RIGHT HERE IN THIS WELL ORGANIZED BINDER.

Writing this just gave me a headache. A throbbing above my left eye, to be specific. And I’ve been banned (with good reason) from buying more furniture.

Harumph.

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I hope you say nice things, but if you don't, I'll get over it eventually.