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May 11, 2012

How to Host a Yard Sale

1. Decide that you have too much shit.

2. Pick a day, and hope to God it doesn't rain.

3. Invite your friends. Your lawn is big enough.

4. Insist on NO EARLY BIRDS. Early birds are assholes who like to get all up in your business.

5. Beg husband to mow the lawn.

6. Bring things out of attic so husband can haul them downstairs for you; manage to bring down one box; then scramble the night before to get things out of the attic and not wake the baby, while husband wonders why you didn't do that last night. (BECAUSE I DIDN'T, OK?!)

7. Crack open a Woodchuck. This is going to be a long fucking night.

8. Think about what to do with the baby all morning. Sunscreen, check. Cheerios, check. Use baby to negotiate higher selling prices, check. (ie, Your new carseat isn't going to buy itself! Is it! Who's a precious baaaabeeeee?!)


9. Go to the 24 hour CVS because you need to make posters to hang on the street posts. Also buy: gummy bears.

10. Think about the different ways you will pour coffee down your throat at 6am on a Saturday.

11. Decide that everything should just be $20 and people should negotiate from there.

12. Fuck this. Sleep would be awesome.

13. Decide to totally wake up early to finish pricing and moving things.

14. Realize that there is no way in hell that will happen. Continue to agonize if the 2 old vacuums can be on the porch all night and maintain a sell-able condition.

15. Come up with brilliant blog post for the blog you haven't updated in like, a year. Hi Facebook! Yes, I would like to update my status.

16. DEATH TO THE EARLY BIRDS!!!

17. I'm never having a yard sale again.

18. Inhale Sharpie. You can do this. But the arrow is pointing the wrong way.

19. Will someone bring donuts? I should make muffins. NO, muffin making is for people that don't have to sort and price boxes of shit.

20. Repeat in 1 year.

December 5, 2011

They Glitter Horses, Don't They? (A Pinterest Project Update)

Well! That was a nice little break.

My Pinterest project was interesting. I thought that I would bang these projects out fairly quickly and feel all accomplished, but I didn't.

My friend Rebekah asked on Facebook for Pinterest projects-- the good, meh, and ugly. So I promised her I would share my thoughts.

1. The Meh.

Here are my blue spray-painted bottles. Why are they a "meh"? 


What you can't see is the crackling on the outside and drips. They aren't perfect. They live in my basement right now-- I might bust them out for a spring/summer party as vases. But for now, I'm just not feeling them.

2. The Ugly.

Well. I tried to do this pretty paint chip garland for a baby shower. I went to Aubuchon and shoved a bunch of paint chips into my purse (feeling not so ethical in the process), ordered a 2" scallop paper punch from Amazon, and got punching. Here's a progress shot:


... And that's as far as I got. I'll tell you why-- I didn't have a proper craft needle and small hole punch. I tried using a very tiny screwdriver head as my hole punch, but it ruined the scallop pieces. Then, I gave up, because it was the night before the baby shower, and I had the beginning of bronchitis but didn't know it. 

3. The Good Awesome!

Glitter horses, you guys. Leave it to Martha Stewart, my nemesis/hero, to come up with a simple and awesome project.

I bought a tube of plastic horses from Michael's. Originally I bought embossing powder, which is so not the same as glitter. When I finally found regular glitter (glitter glue/gel seems to be the norm?) at Target, I jumped on this. 

Here's the first coat: 


You sort of have to glitter them in sections to start. In my case, the tail or head came last.

And here they are before a final touch-up:


You can see some spots where the color of the horse came through-- so, after a few hours of drying, I just slapped some more glue and glitter on. So easy. It's Elmer's Glue, people-- it dries so fast.

And, here they are completed (with a quick spray of Krylon glitter sealer):





I am so in love with the black glitter. Something majestic and Black Stallion about it.

Glitter sealer is optional, but I wanted my glitter horses to stand the test of time. Glitter sealer dries in 20 minutes, and is ready to handle in 24 hours. It smells horrific and is pretty toxic. But, all in the name of glitter horses.

I don't even know what I will do with them. I just want to look at them all day! Most likely I will tuck them on the Christmas tree for a little extra sparkle. GLITTER HORSES! 


October 29, 2011

Ooooh, Shiny!

So I had a list of projects to do this weekend. A HUGE LIST! But so far, I've done none of them. I did clean my bathroom... and in the process of that, I decided we needed to paint. This is the bathroom in question:


The problem is that we have a bit of a mildew issue. And, with the baby in the bathtub pretty frequently, I get more freaked out than I normally would about a little mildew.

The previous owners painted this a pretty harmless eggshell-ish color, and unfortunately they used a flat finish. Flat finishes are more porous, and absorb water more than glossy finishes. So, we've got a slight problem there. It can easily be corrected by first using a glossier finish and asking my friends at Aubuchon to mix in a packet of mildew killer. Not to mention... BORING. A shower curtain only does so much. We're grown-ups now. Let's upgrade this shit. Here's what I made on Pinterest:


So? What do you think? Love it? Hate it? I'd like to add a little decorative shelf to bring more color and accessories in. Bathrooms can get so utility. Neale was insistent that we use a light color, and he's got a point. I think the greenish-gray color plus the mostly white shower curtain will really keep the room light and airy. Anyway, here's the source list:

1. Benjamin Moore Hampton Green
2. DwellStudio for Target Shower Curtain, $22
3. West Elm Bathmat, $24
4. Creative Juniper Toothbrush Holder, $12
5. Typography Poster from Colorbee on Etsy, $18